For those of you who know me well, you know that I have always had very vivid, imaginative dreams. They're like mini-realities floating around in my brain that manifest when I'm sleeping and because I'm a restless sleeper, I tend to have more than one per night. Last night, I had 2 (that I can remember vividly). I'm always being told that I should write them down and am starting to do so today. Just thought I'd share with you cause guess what, they were about me leaving...
Each dream is different but the overarching theme was saying goodbye. Not forever, just for now. In the first dream, I was a teacher, leaving behind my colleagues and students. It was tremendously difficult and bittersweet. Sound familiar? The difference this time was that I get a chance to say goodbye to my students. Something, I was not able to in "real life". It made the decision to leave much harder. On my way out of the school (which looked was a Victorian-style castle) one of the students grabbed my hand and pulled me down towards him, looked in my eyes and gave me a hug. I can't remember what if anything he said. All I remember is the overwhelming love that came from this student and the confirmation that in order to give anyone my best, I would need to be my best.
Second dream: I'm a student...see how this works...lol. In high school, practicing for a performance. Sidebar: it's crazy how close to my life these dreams were last night. Some are more outrageous. Last night was closer to reality.
Anywho, we're practicing and towards the end of practice our teacher announces that I may not be returning to school because I've been offered a chance to perform elsewhere (can't remember where). He also announces that we (show choir) has been asked to participate in a national competition but of course finding the money to send all of us is an issue. I suggest fundraising because somehow in my dream, I know that I'm dreaming and remember that in my "real life" my show choir did fundraising for a competitions. I'm telling you my dreams are TRIPY!! Immediately the response is "you won't be here", "how are you gonna help fundraise", etc... My response was, yes, I'm leaving, but I'm not leaving forever. I will be back and continue the rest of the school year so will be able to fundraise and participate in the competition. On our way out a close friend told me that it sucked I was leaving but was really glad that I was getting the chance to live out my dreams. There was some laughing, maybe a tear or 2. That's when I woke up.
I don't know how to decipher dreams. But, if I had to guess, my nervousness, fear, and stress from this move I'm making is being manifest in my dreams. I've always said that I don't feel stressed, I'm nervous but in a good way. I'm not scared. And I honestly didn't think I was, until last night. What's great about it though is that while those feelings are there, they aren't going to stop me. I'm still going. Subconscious nervousness and all. I'm ready for the challenge, the unknown, the differences, everything. Let my subconscious manifest the fear. I'll focus on God, He'll handle the rest. BOOM!
2 more days and counting. I wonder what my dreams will be like tonight!!!
Oh and if you're on Facebook, today is my brother Malcolm's birthday. Send him some love!!
Until next time...
신생아 아기, 호랑이도 무서워하지 않는다는